Sometimes life seems too hard to bear. Decisions feel impossible and it looks as if there is no way out of troubles that seem too big to understand, never mind solve.
When we come up against problems that look like no matter which way we go, we are going to lose, there are some simple techniques we can use to help us with complex issues.
Firstly, be gentle with yourself. That means treat yourself as you would treat a hurting friend. Find ways to relax yourself and assure yourself that no matter what happens, you will work through it. The evidence of billions of people populating a planet over millions of years all living through times and events, many of them much worse than we could possibly imagine, points to the idea that everything will work out okay no matter how it does work out.
Fantasize the different possible resolutions to see how they feel a day from now, a week from now, a year from now, five years from now. Fantasy is a good way to play out what is in the unconscious mind with regard to the issue you are facing.
Keep a journal and write your dreams in detail noting the theme, the feeling during the dream, and what you were doing during the day prior to the dream. Ask yourself upon waking, what the dream symbolizes. Dreams are not to be taken literally as the unconscious speaks in symbols, a language that is different than the one we speak on a conscious level. If you can find a Jungian Analyst to analyze your dreams, it can accelerate understanding. Before you go to bed at night, ask yourself to give you a dream that will help you out with a difficult issue. The role of the unconscious mind is to provide compensation for one-sidedness. A dream is showing the other side of self-perception.
Find ways to creatively play out whatever you need to. Sand play, drums, taking pictures, dance, or anything that works. You can find a Creative Arts Therapist and get some ideas that work for you. This type of unconscious release value can bring ease to what feels like impossible situations.
Ask yourself, ‘Is there another way?’ We can look into our past as individuals, as a community, and collectively as humans, and see how people have traditionally handled difficult times and perhaps see what we don’t want. That may open the way for another way. We have tools that our parents did not.
Consider what practical action would look like. Pretend your best friend has the same problem as you do, and, in your mind, give her/him some sound advice. Then take it.
Sit with the dissonance of the secrets you hold or hard decisions you feel you have to make. Ask yourself what it’s about. Wait patiently for the answer. If telling your secrets is the short-cut to absolution, don’t tell. Sit with them. Get to know and understand them. There is gold underneath waiting for discovery. If it’s glossed over, it may not be found. The issues, however, will go underground only to resurface on another day in a louder way.
Consider telling the truth. The truth does not include blame, nor does it include a statement about the ‘other’. It is an honest realization of your role in the issue at hand. This is a new way of speaking to others. It takes time to understand, and requires practice. We must adhere to the idea that as soon as we feel ourselves begin to defend or tell a lie, we immediately speak the truth. As we are always getting what we want, on an unconscious level, you can take a real short-cut across the long road of lies and look at why you want what you are getting. Step up to your role and tell the other that you’ve recognized it without blaming them. The blame begins to withdraw and the results from this type of interaction are real and deep and meaningful relationships.
Accept responsibility and consequences with grace. It is possible to live more in this state than out of it.
Make even lists of what is good and bad about what you did. If you find twenty reasons that support what you did was bad, then don’t stop until you have twenty reasons that are good about what you did. Don’t use it as an excuse. Use it as a way to understand.
Be in nature as much as possible. Nature extends an irresistible appeal to your own true nature, which is joyful, spontaneous, effortless, and accepting of what is.
In addition to other ways of healing yourself, learn and commit to regularly doing a technique like BreakThrough to help you gain insight and clarity on your life. Clarity leads to effortlessness. It’s a welcome relief in a life filled with effort.
When complicated issues turn up on your doorstep, invite them in, seat them on your comfiest chair and begin to understand why they’ve come to you.
By Brenda Miller, CBr1
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